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2006 ARCHIVE
December
Big Words, Cybergeeks, and Singlehood
November
St. Joseph, Unofficial Patron of the Dream Date
Part 2 of 2 parts
October
St. Joseph, Unofficial Patron of the Dream Date
Part 1 of 2 parts
September
Semper Fi, "Always Faithful" - Mary, the Marines, and Dating - Part 2 of 2 parts
August
Semper Fi, "Always Faithful" - Mary, the Marines, and Dating - Part 1 of 2 parts
July
What Is The Church's Moral Teaching on Chastity?
(Excerpted from Chapter III. A Major Challenge: A Chaste, Christian Courtship)
(Part 3)
June
Love and Affection
(Excerpted from Chapter IV, "Understanding Love")
(Part 2)
May
Excerpted from Christian Courtship in
An Oversexed World.
(Part 1)
April
Confessions of an Undercover Virgin
March
Renewing Singles Ministry
February
Body Language: Commentary on the Intersection of Faith, Sex & Culture
January
SINGLES MINISTRY IS VOCATION FORMATION
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| MARCH 2006: |
Renewing Singles Ministry
Bringing Singles into the Family Life of the Church
Forming Married and Celibate Vocations
A guide for ministry leaders and participants, including a curriculum for an eight session series based on the writings of Pope John Paul II.
By Dave Sloan & Jennifer Kilfin |
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 This handbook has been created to help you establish and transform singles ministries in your communities. The need could not be greater. There are now over 100 million singles in America, a majority of all households as of 2005. The marriage rate in America is now half of what it was in 1970.
In building singles ministries, our primary focus is to draw singles out of the isolation of modern life, and into the family life of the Church. We want singles to fully realize and live the meanings of their lives as singles each day, while we help form toward both married and celibate vocations.
Therefore, the context of our ministries will be every bit as important as the content. In other words, in our ministries we want to recreate the experience of family life. And, at the same time, we want to offer specific, relevant formation to help singles form families of their own, or join the family life of the Church in celibate vocations.
First we will look at content, and then at context.
Content
The content needs to be consistent, and of high quality, though it can come from many different sources. Much of the content should focus on love and sex, dating and courtship. Another crucial topic, in some ways the crucial topic for singles, is that of freedom, real, authentic freedom, and its role in making it possible for us to choose love.
John Paul II
John Paul II has given us beautifully moving and relevant teachings on these topics in his Love and Responsibility and The Theology of the Body. Outstanding as these books are, their philosophical and theological content will be rather inaccessible to many or most of the people we want to minister to. But everyone can benefit terrifically from the highly edited, and topically indexed, excerpts from these books found at www.GodofDesire.com. These excerpts are compelling, highly readable, and are perhaps the ideal content for a singles ministry.
In the second part of this Guidebook you will find a curriculum for an 8 week session based on these excerpts.
Dating and Courtship
The twelve principles for dating and courtship found at www.GodofDesire.com also make terrific content for a singles ministry. A group can read and discuss one principle per week, or watch 20-30 minute segments of a three hour video presentation on these topics. All of this material is based on the writings of John Paul II, and presented in ways that are highly relevant to the dating lives of modern singles. A curriculum is under development, similar to the one found in this guidebook, which uses the excerpts from Pope John Paul II mentioned above as the core content for an 8 session series on dating and courtship.
Context
The context is every bit as important as the content being presented. We'll go over the key elements of the context, but the simple principle to remember here is that we're endeavoring to replicate the experience of life in a faithful family and extended family, the very thing most people today, especially most singles, have been living without.
Setting
If the setting is in a home, then most of the work is already accomplished. If the setting is a room in a church or other public setting, then the goal is to make the room seem more like a home. It's important, with all of these issues, to try to get the job done as simply as possible. If these logistical issues get too complicated, then the people responsible for them will burn out, and stop participating.
Several simple things will make the setting homey. Start with something alive, some flowers or wildflowers. It can be very effective simply to pick sprigs from flowering bushes or leafy twigs from trees, and place them in cups around the room and/or on an altar.
It's a very good idea to have something like a simple altar in the room. Any table, or even a boom box covered with a cloth can do the job. Put an icon or crucifix or holy work of art on that altar, along with candles (consider scented candles) and some wildflowers. This simple effort makes a world of difference. Every small thing done to make the setting seem nicer, more sacred, will be very worthwhile. But don't get carried away and make the job too hard or there will soon be no one doing it.
Music
It's ideal if there are people in the group who will bring guitars or other instruments to play and occasionally lead the group in singing. However, it's fine just to have a cd playing some nice music as people are coming in to begin the session, something instrumental is ideal, or some worship music, but not something too loud or distracting. Then, sing a song at the beginning and a song at the end. Unless you have a very gifted song leader, just keep it very simple. The key thing here, as with decorating the room, is to do something instead of nothing. A little music goes a long way. This is a fine way to get some of the people in the group involved in contributing their talents.
Prayer
For many groups, the best way to handle prayer is to have it be two-tiered. Offer an extensive period of prayer at the beginning, for those who are ready for lots of prayer. This can consist of the rosary or of scripture readings interspersed with intercessory prayer, or of Taize prayer (Google it, it's cool)--there are many possibilities. Schedule things so that everyone knows it okay to drift in afterwards when this pre-prayer is concluded. Then have shorter prayers, which everyone is comfortable with, scattered throughout the course of the evening's events.
Don't neglect to include short prayers throughout the event, especially on all of the transitions from one activity to another. These short prayers, whether they be spontaneous prayers of intercession or praise or three Hail Mary's or an Our Father or a Glory Be, or a short reading from scripture, go a long way to open the group to the grace of God and the operation of the Holy Spirit.
Have a final prayer ready for the time of parting ways. For an evening event, Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours is the perfect prayer. This prayer only takes about 8 minutes, and is truly sublime, one of the most beautiful and beloved prayers of the Church. It includes a hymn, and the stanzas can be recited back and forth, ideally alternating between the men and the women.
When a group gets used to saying this prayer together, and gets good at it, you can absolutely expect to see miracles begin to occur.
An easy to use, one-page version of Night Prayer for each night of the week is available at www.GodofDesire.com.
Fellowship
When planning fellowship activities, think about all of the elements of family life, and try to include them, at least occasionally. You needn't have any of these elements in every session, but include them whenever fitting. Go for walking rosaries and hikes in local parks. Play football and ultimate frisbee (rugby is a great form of group bonding as well).
Have parties featuring the talents of people in your group. Encourage people to play music--you probably have a band or two ready to be formed from your group. Have live dance music at your parties or play some cd's that will get folks up and dancing. Go to the theater together, to the symphony, or out to pop concerts. Watch inspiring movies together and have discussions about them. Maybe even put together a staged reading of one of John Paul the Great's plays. Dive into culture together, for this is at the heart of true conversion and evangelization.
Large Group or Small Groups?
Yes. Large group and small groups. Start out with the whole group together, and bring the whole group back together again after the small group discussions. This creates a powerful dynamic. Think of it as breathing. The group inhales, comes in together, then exhales out into several groups, and inhales and comes together again. It's a beautiful thing. Small group discussions don't have to be facilitated. But, if you have enough talented and committed people on hand, having them facilitate those discussions can be helpful, and can be a good way to get more people involved in leadership.
Periodically, maybe once every one to three months, plan a bigger event with a special guest speaker and better music and food. Throw a full-blown shindig every now and then, every family needs these celebrations, but don't try to do this too often, as you'll lose sight of the real vision of your ministry. This is an effective way to draw new people into your ministry, and to give the regular participants an opportunity to work together on something exciting.
Charity and Chastity
Charity and chastity are two sides of the same coin, two versions of the same virtue. Charity and chastity are all about giving to people, and never using people. For a group to be healthy, as for a family to be healthy, there must be a shared participation in charity. It doesn't matter what form the charity takes, so long as it is shared. When we serve together we learn the truth about each other, and we learn what it means to live and to love as brother and sister.
Chastity is essential to any ministry, and this is no less true of singles ministry. The leaders of the group must live chaste lives. In some cases conversion will have been rather recent, and the experience of chastity rather limited. That's okay, so long as the commitment to chastity is strong. The core team must come together in prayer and exhort and encourage and support one another in the arena of chastity. Those not living chaste lives are not yet ready for leadership roles, as their lifestyles will undermine the trust necessary for the group to grow and be healthy. If the leaders are not chaste, the group may appear to thrive for awhile, but it will surely die. The fruit of unchastity is death. Be chaste and live. A ministry powered by true purity of heart will bear great fruit.
Visit www.GodofDesire.com for the full-length version of this guide and accompanying curriculum.
Resources
www.CatholicThrive.com - A comprehensive resource on Catholic single life and ministry. In addition to articles by leading writers, Thrive features a nationwide calendar of events related to single life, organized by region and by state. Be sure to list all of your events and activities on Thrive. This is the best, easiest way to get your group's activities on the web, and begin networking with others in your area interested in singles ministry.
www.TheologyoftheBody.net - The most extensive selection of theology of the body materials.
www.reallove.net - Mary Beth Bonacci's site.
www.popeoflove.com - Home of the John Paul the Great encyclical study.
www.ChristopherWest.com - The world's most sought-after speaker on the theology of the body.
www.YAM.org - Atlanta's Young Adult Ministry, one of the best.
www.wttm.org - Women of the Third Millennium--Katrina Zeno's site.
www.GodofDesire.com - Dave Sloan's site.
The story above are highlights from the new guide to singles ministry, available in full at www.GodofDesire.com
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