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2006 ARCHIVE
December
Big Words, Cybergeeks, and Singlehood
November
St. Joseph, Unofficial Patron of the Dream Date
Part 2 of 2 parts
October
St. Joseph, Unofficial Patron of the Dream Date
Part 1 of 2 parts
September
Semper Fi, "Always Faithful" - Mary, the Marines, and Dating - Part 2 of 2 parts
August
Semper Fi, "Always Faithful" - Mary, the Marines, and Dating - Part 1 of 2 parts
July
What Is The Church's Moral Teaching on Chastity?
(Excerpted from Chapter III. A Major Challenge: A Chaste, Christian Courtship)
(Part 3)
June
Love and Affection
(Excerpted from Chapter IV, "Understanding Love")
(Part 2)
May
Excerpted from Christian Courtship in
An Oversexed World.
(Part 1)
April
Confessions of an Undercover Virgin
March
Renewing Singles Ministry
February
Body Language: Commentary on the Intersection of Faith, Sex & Culture
January
SINGLES MINISTRY IS VOCATION FORMATION
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| OCTOBER 2006: |
St. Joseph, Unofficial Patron of the Dream Date
Part 1 of 2 parts
Written by Thomas P. Schmierer |
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 Role Confusion
The roles in modern American dating are confusing. Women offer to pay for meals and men offer to do the dishes. These are only two of the many role shifts we have seen since the beginning of the so-called Sexual Revolution.
A Catholic single man (1) who is confused about gender roles in dating can meditate on the life of St. Joseph for advice on the timeless traits of what it means to be a holy man. Since holiness is attractive, the Catholic single male who grows in holiness will attract more dates.
One way to work towards holiness is to focus on the practice of virtues. This article highlights St. Joseph's virtues of integrity, patience, spirituality, and chastity (2) in hopes of inspiring the Catholic single male towards becoming a dream date. First, we'll look at the virtues of St. Joseph, then how these virtues relate to modern dating.
Joseph's Integrity
The Virgin Mary's spouse is commonly referred to as St. Joseph the Worker or St. Joseph the Carpenter, thus commemorating the person with his trade for all time. As the patron saint of both Work and the universal Church, St. Joseph is one of the sources for the inseparable concepts of being Catholic and working with integrity.
A person of integrity acts honorably even when no one is watching. When the word integrity is used in this article, a limited meaning is intended ·that of striving to do a task well. St. Joseph is a source of inspiration for all Catholics seeking integrity in the workplace.
Joseph's Patience
Jesus is also known as a carpenter (3) and it is commonly asserted that his foster father, St. Joseph, taught Him the trade. Was St. Joseph patient when passing on his trade to the child Jesus?
The Bible refers to Joseph as "a just man." (4) The definition of just is having a basis in fact or reason, reasonable. (5) It is doubtful that a reasonable man would rebuke a child for making an innocent mistake such as cutting a piece of wood along the wrong line. It is very likely that St. Joseph, "a just man," patiently taught Jesus carpentry.
Joseph's Spirituality
Regarding dream dates, how well your date can discern a dream often tells what level of spiritual maturity he/she has obtained. St. Joseph was so spiritually mature that he was able to extract the parts of his dreams that were messages from God and take action accordingly, as illustrated in the following passage.
Joseph [...] decided to divorce her quietly [...] when, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home." [...] When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home. (6)
Joseph's selfless spirituality led him to change the direction of his life from following his will of divorcing Mary to following God's will of taking Mary into his home. It takes a deep level of spirituality and an intense prayer life to receive such a message and then also listen to it. Because of the level of spiritual maturity he had attained, St. Joseph was able to confidently make a decision that would radically alter his life and our history in a positive way.
Joseph's Chastity
The Divine Praises remind us that St. Joseph protected the virginity of Mother Mary: Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse. (7)
Since holiness is attractive, Mary and Joseph likely had an intense attraction for one another. Attraction, as used here, is the quality that inspires one another to get closer. If it seems miraculous that the Holy Couple lived together without engaging in the marital embrace, then it is only fitting to recognize that, by the grace of God, Mary and Joseph had miraculously chaste hearts.
Dream Date, Dream Husband
If a Catholic woman is practicing prudence, she will only be attracted to a man who would make a great husband, and, if she is of child-bearing age, a great father. Likewise, if a Catholic man desires to date a prudent woman, he will need to cultivate the positive virtues found in St. Joseph.
The following questions focus on helping Catholic single women make better dating decisions while motivating the men they date to strive for holiness in the Holy Name of St. Joseph. Each question is followed by a brief explanation relating the virtues of St. Joseph to modern dating with a view towards marriage.
Date's Integrity
Does my date continually strive to do his/her work tasks well?
Whether working primarily for financial stability or because you love your career, it is virtuous to try to do your job well. Tradition does not tell whether or not Joseph loved his trade, only that he was known by his trade. Even a boring task may be completed well when inspired by St. Joseph's integrity.
Depending on who ends up being the bread-winner of the family, at least one member of a dating couple will be working for the rest of his/her life. If the dating couple marries, has children, and one spouse passes away at a young age, the bread-winner title will shift to the other person. For this reason, it is important to notice and consider your date's work ethic. Remember, your date does not need to love his/her job, but needs to place an importance on doing a job well. (8)
To set up the next question, it is important to note that whether your date regularly helps at church-related events is a matter of charity and is outside the scope of this article. An act of charity in this scenario provides an opportunity to observe your date's integrity.
If at a church-related event, does my date offer to help set-up/ break-down? If so, how serious does he/she take the tasks?
If your date is willing to leave a task half-finished for someone else to do the next day at your church, it is a good indication that this behavior could possibly carry over at work and home. If this is the case with your date, you may want to meditate on how this lack of virtue could affect you and your future children.
Date's Patience
Is my date patient when explaining simple things to others that they do not understand?
A "yes" may indicate that he/she would also be patient with your children should you get married and have children someday. Like all virtues, a weakness in one area typically affects all parts of a person's life. If your date is not patient with others when explaining simple things and you wish to continue dating him/her, please do so cautiously.
To set up the next question, it must be noted that having patience with children and liking children are not exactly the same, yet are close enough to mention since it typically requires at least some patience to thoroughly enjoy children's company.
What is my date's answer to the question "Do you like children?"
A "no" deserves deeper discernment on whether you should continue to progress in the dating relationship.
Assume the following:
- You marry the person you are dating
- He/she does not like children
- Both spouses are biologically capable of parenthood
- You expect to engage in the marital embrace
- You expect to use natural family planning (NFP) to avoid pregnancy
- If you had a child, you would not want to put it up for adoption
Since NFP is 99% effective (9) in postponing or avoiding pregnancy, there is roughly a one in a hundred chance that you will have a child. If you become unexpected parents and your spouse does not like children, I believe your only option is to put your child up for adoption. Why? No child deserves a parent who dislikes children.
If the aforementioned assumptions are true, I do not see a valid moral reason to continue a romantic relationship with your date unless you are interested in having a celibate marriage. If any of the assumptions are untrue, you have a completely different scenario and will have to discern appropriately for your unique situation.
In all cases, whether or not to continue dating someone who does not like children deserves deeper discernment.
Footnotes
(1) In spite of the focus on the Catholic single male, all Christians, regardless of gender, will benefit from striving to obtain these virtues.
(2) Virtue is used loosely in regards to integrity and spirituality. Integrity relates to the virtue of charity. Spirituality is not a virtue, but relates to the virtue of faith.
(3) See http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/08377a.htm.
(4) See Matthew 1:19, New American Study Bible (NAB).
(5) See http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/just, just[2,adjective].
(6) See Matthew 1:19-24, NAB.
(7) See http://www.ainglkiss.com/prayers/blsac.htm.
(8) Having a successful career is not always equivalent with integrity. We must place striving to work with integrity above career success.
(9) See http://ccli.org/nfp/basics/advantages.php.
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