 |
|
|
|
|
 |
 |
Are You Dating "Dr. Sola Ratio"?
Written by Thomas P. Schmierer
February 1, 2008 |
|
 Have you ever gone on a date with someone and learned more about topics like dogmatic theology, catalytic convertors, or astrophysics than about his/her life? Did your date try to dazzle you with the number of collegiate degrees that he/she has obtained? While it is too early to know for certain by the first date, you just might have been on a date with "Dr. Sola Ratio."
Who is "Dr. Sola Ratio"?
Dr. Sola Ratio represents a type of person who is more likely to give you a detached, analytical interpretation of his/her experience, than to simply say, "I am really enjoying this ice cream!" He spends most of his time talking about intellectual concepts or processes and goes to great lengths to appear practical and reasonable. (1)
The phrase "sola ratio" is Latin for "reason alone," the heretical belief that "human reason, or understanding, is the sole source and final test of all truth." (2) As Catholics, we believe in reason and feelings. We believe that our feelings exist so that they can assist our reason as our reason guides us towards a life of holiness and truth. (3)
According to author Bryn C. Collins, Dr. Sola Ratio sometimes appears to express emotion, but this is only because he has learned to engage "in the intellectual exercise of looking connected and has found that people will buy into it." (4) The "connection" may entice you to get into an exclusive relationship with Dr. Sola Ratio, but if you do, you may eventually realize that the connection is false.
If you tell Dr. Sola Ratio that he needs to work on expressing his emotions, your attempts may backfire even though "as soon as [he realizes] that the absence of a certain feeling represents an imperfection and that [he] cannot recover without [feeling the emotion, he] will employ all [of his] sensory energies to restore it to its rightful place." (5) According to Dr. Conrad Baars, the Dr. Sola Ratio's of the world need to passively let their feelings simply be. It is important for Dr. Sola Ratio to avoid treating the task of becoming aware of his/her emotions as yet another practical project to complete with keen insight and precision. It will likely take a specialized mental health professional to relieve Dr. Sola Ratio of his psychological complications. (6)
Dr. Sola Ratio may be either male or female. I refer to him as male to simplify the language.
Who Is Not "Dr. Sola Ratio"?
Simply because someone enjoys speaking of intellectual things on dates does not automatically make him/her a Dr. Sola Ratio. Someone who is guided by reason and is also aware of emotions typically displays good mental health. Like our emotions, our reason is also good.
A problem of extreme rationalism exists in a relationship only when one or both members of the couple do not have a rich emotional life to accompany their intellect. The emotional life of Dr. Sola Ratio is lacking because he errantly believes that emotions are evil or useless. A person such as this often thinks that doing is ever-important and that it is a waste of time to simply be. (7)
The person who marries Dr. Sola Ratio, a man solely of practical action, often does not feel loved. Dr. Sola Ratio can explain how obvious it is that he loves his spouse and even engage in tender physical moments, yet his spouse will usually still not feel loved. This is because love has both an intellectual and an emotional component. Dr. Ratio cannot fully express his love until he learns to respect his feelings and allow himself to feel them. A person cannot communicate a feeling such as love to another if that person is unaware of or rejects the feeling.
How Will I Know If I Am Dating "Dr. Sola Ratio"?
It would be foolish to label someone as a Dr. Sola Ratio after the first few dates. You may need to see someone in many different situations over a period of a few months before having enough information to make a judicious determination. In certain Christian circles, it is rightly considered inappropriate to express certain intense emotions before entering formal courtship, thus a seeming lack of emotion is to be expected in the beginning of a dating friendship. Be careful not to confuse appropriate chaste behavior with an extreme denial of emotions.
It is not possible to determine whether or not someone is a Dr. Sola Ratio by the way that he/she hugs or kisses, so there is no good reason to engage in intensely "loving" hugs or kisses solely in the name of "prudent discernment." Dr. Sola Ratio is intelligent and has trained himself well in the so-called art of loving. To learn about one extreme example, you may wish to do some research on the charming, articulate serial killer named Ted Bundy. Besides lacking the ability to truly love, Mr. Bundy seems to have also been lacking the emotions of guilt and shame which are important contributors to the proper functioning of our consciences.
Since physical affection will not reveal whether or not your date is Dr. Sola Ratio, you will want to be on the lookout for certain key behaviors and beliefs. Dr. Sola Ratio ignores emotional content, is not connected with his emotions, is unable to identify emotions in self or others, and is highly defensive. If you are dating Dr. Sola Ratio, I believe that after reading this article you will have gained much of what you need to know in order to be able to identify him/her. My advice is to seriously consider terminating the dating relationship and advising him/her to seek professional help. That way you will have expressed that you truly desire what is best for both of you in the long run. (8)
Everyone is located somewhere along the scale between over-intellectualization and over-emotionalization, thus be slow to judge, being careful to avoid labeling someone as abnormal who is actually located somewhere within the normal range. At the same time be cognizant of both extremes. By waiting to enter into formal courtship with someone until you know with relative certainty that he/she is not a Dr. Sola Ratio, you will drastically improve your chances of finding and marrying another quality Catholic Christian single and having everlasting love!
Footnotes
- Dr. Sola Ratio may be either male or female. The choice to refer to him as a male was arbitrary.
- Retrieved from http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/12652a.htm on January 11, 2007.
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1762. Retrieved from http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect1chpt1art5.htm on February 1, 2008.
- In Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap, Bryn C. Collins uses the term "Intellectualizer" to describe the type of person that I call Dr. Sola Ratio. See page 106 for quote used in the text of this article.
- In Psychic Wholeness and Healing: Using ALL the Powers of the Human Psyche, the late Catholic Christian psychiatrist, Dr. Conrad W. Baars, refers to a psychological disorder called intellectually determined energy neurosis which correlates to my caricature of Dr. Sola Ratio. See page 106 for quote used in the text of this article.
- A therapist who is educated in Baarsian Affirmation Therapy would be the best. For more info, visit http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/cwbaars/.
- The origin of Dr. Sola Ratio's complications is outside the scope of this article. You may wish to read Psychic Wholeness and Healing: Using ALL the Powers of the Human Psyche by Dr. Conrad W. Baars to learn more about it.
- If you marry him or her and he/she stays the same, your marriage will likely be unhealthy and if you have children, they may be negatively affected in a serious way. I believe that it is not fair or healthy to continue dating someone whom you want to change in such a radical way before marrying.
Thomas Schmierer is a Catholic counselor, writer, and evangelizer for V2C®. Visit www.vaticanvalues.com to learn more about Mr. Schmierer's work.
|
|
|
|
|
