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Finding Perfect Love in 2009 (Part One of Six):
Introduction to Perfect Love
Written by Thomas P. Schmierer
January 16, 2009 |
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 The passing of a new year provides a universal opportunity to reflect on ourselves and make new resolutions. As Catholic Christian singles, our reflections and resolutions naturally relate to the Lord's call. If you are single and called to marriage, then there can only be one response. When Jesus calls, we do not hesitate, but rather reply with a resounding "Yes," followed by swift action. In response to His call, we land upon the resolution to find perfect love in 2009. This article is the first part of a six-part series designed to help us to do just that, find perfect love!
The Call to Perfect Love
In order to better understand how we can find perfect love in 2009, it will benefit us to first briefly discuss our calling. The call to the marital vocation is a manifestation of the universal call to holiness, i.e. to love God and neighbor in perfect charity. Regarding how marriage leads to greater holiness the Catechism states:
"By reason of their state in life and of their order, [Christian spouses] have their own special gifts in the People of God." This grace proper to the sacrament of Matrimony is intended to perfect the couple's love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they "help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children."(1)
As singles, we do not have to wait until marriage to begin answering the universal call to holiness. The word "universal" in the phrase "universal call to holiness" means that the call to attain perfect charity applies to everyone. Regarding this, the Catechism says:
"All Christians ... are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of charity" (LG 40 § 2). "Christian perfection has but one limit, that of having none" (St. Gregory of Nyssa, De vita Mos.: PG 44, 300D). (2028)
Once we understand that we are all called to love perfectly as Jesus loved the Father, we may explore ways to find perfect love.
Finding Perfect Love
In order to find perfect love in 2009, we must first love perfectly. The behavior of one party in a couple naturally matches the behavior of the other, even before marriage. Singles with low standards of behavior usually date other singles with low standards. Likewise, singles with high moral standards usually date other singles with high standards.
Eventually, drunkards marry drunkards, gluttons marry gluttons, the greedy marry the greedy, the pure marry the pure, etc. Since most, if not all, sins are acts of selfishness, we can summarize what has been said here by simply acknowledging that the selfish frequently marry the selfish and the selfless often marry the selfless. Those who are selfless reciprocate a more genuine and complete type of love than those who are selfish, assuming that the selfless also respect their own dignity.
There is one other type of scenario besides those just presented. This scenario begins with someone who has high moral standards for his or her own behavior, yet who has low moral standards for the behavior of others. To this person's way of thinking, the call to holiness is not universal, thus there is no need for the reciprocity of love. It is not proper to call this person's "love" selfless since this person will tolerate any type of behavior in a romantic relationship: drunkenness, lust, greed, licentiousness, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, etc.
This type of "selflessness" is not suitable to finding perfect love for two reasons. First, there is no reciprocity of love because the love is one-way or unidirectional. The person with high moral standards for himself or herself attempts to perfectly love the other, while the other makes no attempt to perfectly love him or her in return. It is impossible to attain reciprocal perfect charity when only one person has answered the call to love God and neighbor in perfect charity.
Second, the person with low standards for his or her romantic interests does not fully love himself or herself. To subject oneself to the atrocities of drunkenness, lustful grasping, abuse, etc. is to crush one's sense of self worth. The person who continues to date someone who is habitually and excessively selfish does not yet fully love or respect himself or herself. Conversely, the person who acknowledges the dignity within himself or herself inherently commands respect in romantic relationships. Therefore, to achieve perfect love in 2009, one must first learn to answer the call to love oneself in perfect charity by setting high moral standards for both oneself and one's romantic interests.
Mutual Acts of Perfect Love
In his Theology of the Body, Pope John Paul II often spoke of the necessity for spouses to make mutual and sincere gifts of self.(3) Catholic Christian singles who want to find perfect love in 2009 may wish to relate the Pope's message to dating and courtship in an appropriate way. The only way to experience reciprocal and genuine love in marriage is for both spouses to be habitually selfless. Both must answer the universal call to holiness. Likewise, both parties of a courtship must also answer the universal call to love perfectly.
When Christ commanded us to love in perfect charity, he also provided us with the grace necessary to achieve it via the Sacraments. He also sent His Holy Spirit over the Church so that the saints could teach us various and attainable paths to holiness. By following the instruction of the saints, we will ultimately love perfectly while finding perfect love.
The remaining articles in this series will help us to discover how to answer the call to marital holiness. In them we will learn about the necessities of perfect counsel, knowledge, listening, practice, and power as ways to Christian perfection. In this series we will learn the methods used by the saints as they journeyed towards greater holiness, so that we, ourselves, may find perfect love in 2009!
Footnotes
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, § 1641. Retrieved from http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/1641.htm.
- Catechism of the Catholic Church, § 2028. Retrieved from http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2028.htm.
- Cf. John Paul II, Theology of the Body. Retrieved from http://www.ewtn.com/library/PAPALDOC/JP2TBIND.HTM.
Thomas Schmierer is a Catholic counselor, writer, and evangelizer for V2C. Visit www.vaticanvalues.com to learn more about Mr. Schmierer's work. For information about his audio presentation on "Christian Dating & Courtship," visit http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Dating-Courtship-Intimacy-Catholic/dp/B001F3H2GQ/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_i.
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